I'm Just So Disheartened by Ashley BOWMAN

When it looked like Britta Curl might get drafted, like many other fans I was thinking “there’s no way this person can join our space. Our space is inclusive. She’ll ruin it.”

Once she was drafted, though, many of us realized we were wrong.

It’s not because she was drafted.

It’s not because she went right away in the second round when she should’ve been a third-round pick. 

It’s not because of whatever the hell is going down in Minnesota right now. (But can we talk about that, too, though?)

It’s not even because she took down all her inflammatory posts just in time to look pretty for the draft. 

It’s because, once we started commenting how devastating this was, they all came out of the woodwork.

They’d been there all along. They were just, like us, lulled into the idea that this was a space where bigotry wasn’t actually OK. 

When Curl was drafted, they all realized they could say it all out loud. 

And they did.

It’s been a devastating twenty-four hours, dealing with all the statements from fans who have been here this whole time. They were here all along. It was never inclusive or supportive.They were just keeping quiet until now.

And now they’re telling us that we’re hateful if we are bothered by the bigotry that contributes to our oppression.

They’re telling us that it’s wrong for us to want basic dignity as queer folks. 

hey’re telling us that if we’re bothered by someone supporting violence against marginalized people, we’re too fragile. 

They’re telling us no one cares about us. 

And they’re telling us to shut up and go back into the closet.

As it turns out, it’s never been an inclusive space. But before Curl was drafted, we could at least pretend it was.

I guess we’re all better off having her in the league, ultimately. Now we can put our defenses back up. Now we can know that if we want to protect our mental health, we should stop following all the PWHL pages (so that we don’t run the risk of engaging with people who will attack us, or even just the risk of seeing casual comments about how awful we are). Now we can know that, if we’re going to participate in any PWHL spaces, we must downplay the marginalized pieces of our identities to protect ourselves. We know that overall, we aren’t welcome. 

But she is. 

Lucky her.